Disappointing Sequel (from Harry Potter & The In​-​Appropriate Hallowe'en)

by Laurence Owen

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The opening number from Harry Potter & The In-Appropriate Halloween (a Weirdos/Laugh Out London production, debuted at Leicester Square Theatre, 31st October 2015).

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released November 1, 2015

Music: Laurence Owen
Lyrics: Adam Larter & Laurence Owen

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Track Name: Disappointing Sequel
When the wizarding war was over.
When the dark lord finally fell.
Harry put his wand away.
He cast his final spell.

But Rowling wasn’t finished.
She knew we still believed.
There was just so much magic.
Stuffed up her wizard’s sleeve.

As bland as Ginny Weasley.
As long as Neville’s Bott
This next chapter has less characters.
And one fifth of the plot.

It’s a disappointing sequel.
Where the series takes a dip.
It's just the emotional aftermath
It's the book you should probably skip.

Hogwarts they’re rebuilding.
Diagon Alley gets restocked.
With all the death-eaters in Azkaban
The tattoo parlor’s totally fucked

As dry as Dolores Umbridge
As rehashed as Dumbledore’s bird.
So let’s make this book number eight.
Of a franchise which peaked at the third.

It’s a disappointing sequel.
The one that shouldn't exist.
It deals with all the PTSD.
And the lessons in life that they missed.

Now Lupin’s dead and Tonks is dead.
But Ginny’s still alive.
Yes, Dumbledore’s dead and Snape is dead
But Ginny’s still alive
And Fred is dead and Bellatrix is dead
But Ginny’s still alive.
And Dobby’s dead and Sirius is dead
But Ginny’s still alive.
Lupin’s dead and Tonks is dead
But Ginny’s still alive
Lupin’s dead and Tonks is dead
But Ginny’s still alive.

It's a disappointing sequel
The one you shouldn't read
With all the child actors grown up into freaks
It's the one we didn't need